Nov. 10, 2019
My horse, Hubris, helps me not only in keeping fit when we go riding together or I’m cleaning out his corral. He is also an expert ‘councilor’ when it comes to restoring my sense of humor or helping me get over a bad case of ‘writer’s block’ caused by the latest antics of our Imperial Leader, our Majestic Narcissist, the most “Perfect President ever in Our History”, i.e., Donald J. Trump. As I was un-saddling Hubris after our ride last Sunday, he turned to look at me and, from the mischievous look on his roman nosed face, I suspected a real ‘stunner’ was about to come out of his mouth. Like an expert comedian, he baited the trap for me by pausing just long enough to really get my attention, then said, “Lou, why don’t you write a ‘Job Description’ to fit Donald’s performance as President of the United States of America these last three years?” That warranted an extra-thick flake of alfalfa hay for Hubris and with a loving pat on his rump and a big smile on my face, I sent him out to pasture and me off to my little office and computer keyboard, eager to get to work. This could either be a lot of fun or cause the worst case of depression I’ve ever had! We’ll make that call when I finish my writing this coming Friday and you finish reading it, either this weekend or, whenever you get a ‘round toit’. OK, let’s get started!
New York Times, Help Wanted sub-section, Tuesday edition, December 11, 2013:
Job Opening, President of the United States of America (POTUS):
Effective: January 20, 2016
Term: 4 years, and if you make enough good friends very wealthy, another 4 years.
Salary: $400,000.00 per year- unless you can make more by stealing- then, don’t take the
Benefits: Almost unlimited- if you can steal enough. (Nobody in congress knows what the term ‘emoluments’ really means—much less how to spell it!)
Pension: $207,800 per year—unless you are in jail for being caught stealing too much while in office. (Please, if you are dumb enough to get caught, don’t apply!)
Health and Welfare: limited only by your lack of your imagination, or lack of greed.
Job Goals: Make America a great (white) country again, by;
Restoring; White, American, males as the supreme dictators of the rules of our society.
Stopping; Immigration of black, brown or yellow races into OUR country! We don’t want any of those rapists, thieves, poor, miserable, human scum in our country! (except: those who wait tables or clean our toilets at our country clubs or change the linens in our hotels. They will get special, temporary, work permits!)
Cancelling; Any and all Trade Agreements with foreign countries, no matter what the cost to our people or our economy. Their negotiators were smarter than ours and it’s time to get out of those agreements!
Ending; Any International Agreements regarding climate change made by that fool— Obama—who tried to give our country away to foreigners and ruin our giant, responsibility-free corporations!
Providing; More significant opportunities for Republican members of Congress or their financial supporters to profit from our laws, or-
Repealing; Those laws that prevent us from getting the wealth and riches we Republicans and our vulture capitalist supporters deserve.
Putting; Back into private land, areas that all the thoughtless previous administrations designated as ‘National Parks’, ‘Wild-life Preserves’, or ‘Indian Reservations’ (Just think what a profit opportunity Yellowstone would be if it was a privately owned theme park!)
Getting out of; Wars or places that our best friends Vlad, or Recep, want to take over. Let our best friends have what they want and those we stupidly supported, like the Ukrainians or the Kurds, go fend for themselves!
Ignoring: The Democrat/Socialist’s ‘BS’ about climate change. Let us true Republicans make money as long as the sun shines and make true, Republican, vulture-capitalist values prevail!
Instill: Concepts of hatred and mistrust in the hearts of every American citizen so they don’t waste any time (or voting consideration) worrying about taking care of ‘others’.
Allow: Real men like our dear friends, Jeffery and Harvey, unlimited opportunity to grope or fondle young girls or any woman, anytime, anywhere, and as often as they desire.
Abilities, Experience or Ethical Conditions Essential for the applicant to Demonstrate:
- Leadership skills (being able to fool most of the people most of the time! Critical!)
- Show-man-ship (Super critical! Remember, ‘A sucker is born every minute!’)
- Con-artist (goes without saying)
- Egocentric (essential!)
- Liar (Key ability. See item #2)
- Narcissist (If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anybody believe in you?)
- Total Absence of Moral Character (Our society is now totally immoral. Don’t take the high road, it no longer exists!)
- No Previous Political Experience (You will screw-up the job up if you know what you are doing. Plus—today’s electorate doesn’t know enough or care enough about politics to pay attention!)
- No Knowledge of Anything (History, Geography, Philosophy, etc.,) Required
- Must have absolutely no interest in doing anything ‘good’ for the American People. Only true Republicans, Republican Congress-persons and their Financial Supporters really matter.
To Apply: Send your resume’ and a whole lot of money to the Republican National Committee (RNC) at the address below—and await our call.
Jared, thinking the hotel business might be slowing down, was reading the ‘Times’ ‘Help Wanted’ section that day and clipped the ‘Job Opening’ posting. The next morning, after a bagel with cream cheese, capers and lox breakfast, he called the Trump family business committee together (Donald J. was golfing at Mar-a-Lago) and proudly announced, “Folks, I’ve just stumbled on the greatest Trump business promotion idea I’ve ever had!” There were a few snickers followed by some embarrassed coughs before Ivanka said, “OK Jared, please tell us about your great idea!” Jared cleared his throat, and said, “Dad should run for President of the United States!” The room exploded in laughter.
The Donald returned to New York City after the weekend and, on Tuesday, December 17th, 2013 at lunch in the Trump Tower, Jared had the gall (i.e., balls) to show his Father-in-law the advertisement. Donald was a very slow reader (he didn’t read, he watched television) so it was more than a few minutes until he put down the piece of paper, straightened his big tie, and with an evil grin from ear to ear that only a true rascal can summon, looked Jared straight in the eye and said, “Jared, you are a g-d d—-d Genius! I fit that description perfectly! And, I want to do all those things to—MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!!! I would be the Perfect President!” After a brief silence, Donald said, “I don’t think I have a chance in hell to win the election but just think how much publicity the Trump name will get if I campaign hard!”
And, as Hubris would (and did) say, “The rest (of the story) is history.” And, the story is still being written. Stay tuned for the further adventures of Donald J. Trump, the man who didn’t think there was a chance in hell that he would win the election—and really would have to be the ‘President of the United States of America’. However, he is proving to fit the ‘Job Description’—Perfectly!
Copyright, Nov. 10, 2019, Louis J. Christen