First, I must admit to having so much fun writing my last blog—and since very little really ‘new’ has transpired in the political arena over the past weekend—I have decided to continue having fun in this blog. I may even put a few positive options on the blog table for you to consider—if I stay in my present ‘good mood’ for the next three days. I’m going to give it (staying in a good mood) a try. So, here we go—–
(Tucker Carlson of Fox News speaking) Bulletin! Donald Trump has just advised that he will make a significant address from the Rose Garden at the White House to the American people this evening at 6:00 PM, EDT. All news agencies are standing by. (Pause) He’s walking up to the bank of microphones now. Here he is, the President of the United States of America!
(Trump speaking) Good evening my fellow ‘Make America Great Again!’ patriots. As you all know, I have been the greatest President ever in the history of this great country. I won the last election by very large numbers even though the corrupt Democratic Party packed the ballot boxes and lied, like Hillary, that she won the popular vote. I have also had the largest numbers of citizens at my campaign rallies and my inauguration ever in recorded history. I have worked endlessly to give you the changes in our government which I promised to do in my campaign and I have never lied to you, ever! I have drained the swamp and restored our economy to a sound footing! Most important, I have improved our stature in the world to where all of the world’s leaders look to me for guidance and leadership. I also have put together the finest, coordinated, bunch of cabinet, agencies and departmental leaders in the history of our great country. And, my family members have worked tirelessly to insure their cooperation and seeing that they are rewarded for their total expert performance—and loyalty. And now, just when I had made America great again, just like I promised in my campaign, the China Government has unleased this China made virus against me and my government! That’s why I had to proclaim the War Powers Act to get some stuff we didn’t have—through no fault of my own—up and running to stomp out this China virus. I told you that this China virus is no big problem and it will probably just go away in a month or two. Believe me, Jared told me that would happen—and he is no dumb kid! Now remember, we have to get America back to work so that I will have the great winds of the booming American economy at my back on election day, November 3rd. Let’s all get out and go to work, and to the bars, restaurants, rock concerts, movies and Strip Clubs, like we did before the China virus was thrown at me. And don’t forget, a vote for me on election day will ensure that I alone, who can and will defeat the China virus as your President, will make America great once again! Thank you, and goodnight.
Then, the next morning on the ‘Morning Joe’ Program, Joe Scarborough announced that he had a special guest coming on in about five minutes and that ‘special guest’ would be none other than the former Vice President, Joe Biden! After the commercial, Joe (S) says, “Let’s give a big welcome to our special friend, Joe Biden!” (Joe Biden speaking) Thanks! And, good morning Joe! -and good morning America! I’m here to tell you that Joe Biden is out of his basement! I’m ready to go to work! Just last night I talked to Kamala Harris about her willingness to be my Vice President when I am elected and we sealed the deal with a phone kiss! How’s that for ‘Social Distancing’? (Audience laughter, then loud applause) We are starting immediately to select our key cabinet, department, and agency picks and will be announcing them very soon. You can be sure that they will be gender and racially balanced but the number one criterion in our selection process will be the best brains and experience possible for that position. No cronies, kids (of mine), or crooks allowed! And, we are going ‘across the aisle’ for quite a few of our picks. Furthermore, we are going to work to insure that the political conventions and election events are virtual, until the corona virus is wiped out, and elections are by mail-in ballot plus sufficient open voting places, with personal health safety standards operative and extended times that make voting easily available to all American citizens entitled to vote. We want you to be assured that everything we do in the political contest ahead will be done in accordance with the guidance of our future pick to head our Department of Health— Dr. Anthony Fauci! Folks, I’m out of the basement and on my way to develop, with Karmala, the greatest, and most all-inclusive government TEAM that has ever been offered to the electorate BEFORE an election. This is total transparency! Our team is going to be ready to work for YOU, not just the 1 percent, not just the 10 percent, but openly and fairly for 100 percent of all Americans, on Day One after the election! Watch and listen! Then vote on November 3rd. Safe hugs to you all and, God Bless America!
That evening, CNBC announced that both President Donald Trump and Vice President Michael Pence had been diagnosed as having the CV-19 virus and would be going into a 14 day quarantine in an undisclosed government hospital for treatment. The next morning, Senator Mitt Romney announced he was changing his party affiliation from Republican to Democrat and would stand for office on that basis if necessary in the November election. He also happened to mention that he would pick Elizabeth Warren as his VP—if he would be running for President on the Democratic ticket. Mitch McConnell announced his willingness and availability to run for President if the GOP needed him to do so in the November election and would pick Phyllis Schlafly to be his VP—if only she were still alive. That left only Tom Cotton, Andrew Cuomo and about one hundred or more other political lights to be heard from before the conventions. As I have said before, this could get interesting!
Hubris, after I had read all of the above to him, only added that he wished Phyllis was still alive. Her company made good beer and she was a real battle axe. Her presence would have enlivened any debate. However, he added the fact that he wasn’t sure she would be willing to work with, or for, Mitch McConnell. Maybe she should be the President and Mitch the VP? She might have been willing to come back from the grave for that opportunity?
I thanked Hubris for his input then suggested we saddle up for our Friday evening ride. He said, “Lou, let’s go for it!” And so, it’s Hi Ho Hubris, Aawaay!
Until next week, Stay Safe and— Adios!,
Copyright, May 15, 2020, Louis J. Christen